If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
