I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My bed smells like the plague
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
