he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
That reminds me...we need to get swords
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize