I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
