I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
