About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
