Betty ford says i'm here all night
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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