hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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