Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
