The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
