this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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