I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
