Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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