If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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