I faked an abortion last night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
