you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize