Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
