the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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