I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
