I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
