1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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