Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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