quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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