so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
