can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
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