Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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