If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I looked at my own cervix.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
