:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
