im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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