I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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