The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
