I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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