Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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