I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
