Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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