WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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