I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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