So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
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When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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