You made me cry and you don't even care
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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