literally had 100 drinks last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
