idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
