I think my vagina is haunted
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
