Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
