So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
