so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
