It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
