I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
