I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
