do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
