he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Houston, we have a blender
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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