be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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