Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
