??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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