is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
