He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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