is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
