how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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