Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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