the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
