Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
