i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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