also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
