maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
