Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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