This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
