the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
